how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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