You're a womanizer and a bitch.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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