Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
