Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
