dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
