did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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