I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
