I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Please don't give away my fajitas
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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