like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
