He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
