...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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