My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
3 2 1 whiskey
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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