I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize