I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
