no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
