Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
