Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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