And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
