I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize