PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
