Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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