My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
