I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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