I need to stop coming to work sober
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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