That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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