This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize