Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
