You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
