You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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