she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I look better un-naked...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
