I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
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