He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
