my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
