My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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