The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
