he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dicks are not precious.
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