That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
