Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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