I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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