Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
ttyl tear gas
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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