So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
