I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
