Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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