well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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