I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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