Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
