i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
