So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
