Non-Jews are for practice
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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