If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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