ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
