it was like his penis was on wheels.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
