we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
