this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
