He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
