I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
