Whod you bang
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
