okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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