so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
