In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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