it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
