Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
