I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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