i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
