I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize