hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize