I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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